


Monster

by RoyaiFan101



Series: Pre~Victory [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M, Implied Child Abuse, Mentions of Suicide, Past minor character death, mentions of homocide, set during Ishval
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:09:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26736394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoyaiFan101/pseuds/RoyaiFan101
Summary: During the war, Roy and Riza talk things over.
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Series: Pre~Victory [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027503
Kudos: 17





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

> While this story is a stand alone fic, it is set in the same time line as my “Victory” series.
> 
> I considered having this be a part of it, but since it’s a flashback, I didn’t want to deal with reordering the stories/dealing with a confusing timeline.

Roy knew it was idiotic to follow the fuming Riza, especially since she had a sniper rifle in her hands. If they got into an altercation and it came down to it, what would be faster; _him snapping his fingers or her pulling the trigger_?

“Riza, p-please. Talk to me.” He sighed, following her as she walked through the remains deserted town- the town he had desecrated mere hours earlier.

“You’re a _monster_!” She turned around and hissed lowly at him. _And I made you!_ She thought bleakly.

How could he? How could he use her, betray her trust, misuse her father’s research? All of it, everything he said at her father’s grave, had it all been a lie? A ploy to get her to show him the secrets to Flame Alchemy? And it had _worked_! Her father wasn’t in the ground half of a day before Riza had stripped off her blouse and revealed the intricately detailed tattoo on her back, showing Roy everything that he would need to learn Flame Alchemy.

It didn’t take long for the rest of their clothing to come off afterwards, either. God, her father had been right about her all along: she was a naïve little girl.

Always had been, always would be.

She let out a squeak when she felt his strong hands grab her by her upper arms, pushing her into an empty building and slamming her back up against the wall. She was barely able to register the feel of a pistol being placed in her hands.

When Riza finally looked up, she saw that the barrel was pressed up against Roy’s forehead.

_Dead center._

“Go on. Pull the trigger. End it. Blow my brains out. The gun is mine. Everyone will think I pulled the trigger. Go on. Do it. You know you want to. Go ahead and do what I _couldn’t_. I won’t be mad, I promise. If anything, I’ll be _happy_. It’s what I deserve. Because I don’t want to live in a world where you think I enjoy ending the lives of _innocent women and children_. I don’t wanna live anymore if it means you’re going to look at me and compare me to people like _Kimblee,_ who laughs with glee _every time_ he claps!” He growled, moving her index finger to the trigger.

Riza was frozen. Was he serious? Or is this another game he was playing? _Asshole!_ She dropped the gun and shoved him away, the force of her push causing Roy to land on his rear end.

“I _trusted_ you! And you _used_ me! In more ways than one!” She cried, hands clenched in fists.

_I gave you my father’s work and my virginity, and this is how you show your gratitude!?_

“I know.” Roy mumbled, his head hung down, as he moved to rest on his knees. Riza let out a noise of despair, before dropping down to the floor as well, only a few feet of space spreading them.

“My Father was right...”

“Flame Alchemy is too dangerous.” Roy finished for her.

Both of them looked at the other with a grimace.

“I don’t like the taste saying that leaves in my mouth.” Riza whined, a frown on her face. Roy exhaled, nodding in agreement.

“I know you won’t believe me. But I want you to know that if I thought, for even a second, that they’d make me do _this_ , I never would’ve studied your father’s research. Or at the very least, I would’ve waited until after we were out of this hellhole before taking the State Alchemist’s exam. Let the higher ups think I didn’t know this until after this miserable and pointless war had ended.” He sighed.

_You don’t have to forgive me, but please understand that I’m so damn sorry. For everything. Please know that what I said hadn’t been a lie, that I didn’t purposefully use you._

“When... when did you try to end your own life?” She asked, her voice soft and timid.

“Not too long ago. Me and Hughes has been in the Academy with an Ishvallan named Heathcliff Arm, but he and the other Ishvallan cadets got kicked out halfway through. I ended up seeing him again, here, trying to defend his people. He shot me in the chest- only reason why I’m not dead is because he hit my watch instead of my body.” Roy sighed as he took his pocket watch, the proof of his State Alchemist status, out of his pocket and holding it up for Riza to see.

Her breath got caught in her throat when she saw the bullet sized dent in the center.

“When Heathcliff shot me, Hughes shot him in the head. Later that night, he came into my tent and saw me about to stick my gun- _that gun_ \- in my mouth. Spent the next ten minutes doing everything he could to make me feel better. Distracted me, yelled at me. Eventually he just told me to suck it up and keep moving.” Roy scoffed.

For the first time since he started talking about Heathcliff, he glanced up to look her in the eyes. “Thirty seven days later, I ran into you again. Another ghost from the past.”

“Master Hawkeye must be so disappointed in us.” He sighed.

“Me more so then you.” Riza admitted.

“You can’t honestly think that? I betrayed your trust- unintentionally, but I still did it.” Roy frowned.

Riza let out a scoff. “Oh please, I’ve been a disappointment to that man since the moment the sperm met the egg.” She said, rolling her eyes.

“You honestly think that?”

“Yes. Let’s state the facts. Fact number one: My father _never_ wanted children. But he loved my mother, almost as much as he loved Alchemy. So when she accidentally got pregnant with me, he did the right thing and stayed with her. Fact number two: he wanted a _son_ , not a _daughter_. Let’s see, what else? I can’t perform alchemy. I spent what little free time I had as a child playing in mud and climbing trees instead of knitting. My hair has been the same length- _short_ \- since I was five. Oh, and I participated in premarital sex. But considering my parents were married only six months when I was born, I feel like he would be a hypocrite for being mad at me for that last one.”

All Roy could do was frown.

“I never should’ve left you behind. You could stayed with my aunt, where’d you’d be safe. You could live a normal life, with no guilt or burdens.” He sighed.

“Like that would’ve done any good...” Riza mumbled, trailing off.

His head snapped up, eyes wide. “When... when did he...?” He asked, gulping. He had always thought her Father had put his research on her back when he was at the Military Academy. Was that not the case?

“During that week you were gone, for one of your sisters funerals. Adele, I think you said her name was.”

“ _Adelaide_.” He corrected softly. “Did he give you a choice, or did he force you?”

“I said yes, when he asked me too do it.” She muttered.

“But what would’ve happened if you had told him no?” He asked.

Riza kept her mouth shut, but they both knew the answer.

“Come on. We better start heading back, before they think we’ve deserted.” Roy huffed, standing up. He walked towards her, extending his hand out for her to grab.

“I’m going to do everything I can, from the moment we get out of here to the second one of us takes their last breath, to make things right with you. I know I might not ever earn your forgiveness, but _dammit_ , I’m going to spend the rest of my life _trying_.” He reassured her.

Riza looked him in the eyes, seeing the hope and despair in his black orbs. And as she took his hand and stood back up, she hoped he wouldn’t disappoint her.

 _Again_.


End file.
